Google Announces the new “Google Thought”
Showing unparalleled innovation, Google finally removes all the pesky inconvenience of discernment or self-awareness*
Following the successful launch of Google Nest Hub 2.0, where Google watches you while you sleep, Google has announced the upcoming Google Thought. Google Thought is a breakthrough in search that shows you ad recommendations while you think about what you are searching for. To be released in the coming year, Google Thought is set to revolutionize the search marketing industry again.
Google stated in the announcement to the press this morning, “Google Nest was a hard act to follow. We were all asking ourselves, ‘How can we be even more obnoxious as a digital advertising company?’ Google Thought was the obvious next step in cutting-edge invasive chatter.”
Among the many benefits and features of the new Google Thought is the ability to predict what users are trying to think about and offer them suggestions of what to think about next. Now, users are saved the time of having to complete a single coherent idea before seeing search results. “You don’t even have to know what you want to search for, Google Thought figures it out for you,” proclaimed Google.
Advertisers are excited about the new “pay-per-thought” ad system that is being launched simultaneously with Google Thought. For the first time ever, Companies will be able to advertise to their target markets based on sub-conscious desires, primal emotions, and Freudian impulses categorized by id, ego, and super-ego instead of just keywords. “It is so exciting that we can put our products and solutions right into our customers brains during the initial premonitions of greed, before rationality can kick-in.” stated avid Google customer Amazon.com.
John Mandvi, a Google Thought developer, stated, “We are all really proud of what we have accomplished. People are no longer burdened with the personal responsibility of critical thinking. Just as you begin to think, we can suggest thoughts based on your location, demographic, and what others like yourself enjoyed thinking about. It will change everything.”
“The greatest problem with marketing has always been that you can’t actually MAKE people to buy your product. We know, because we’ve tried everything. Google Thought finally solves this critical problem. We will be leveraging this with all our companies moving forward.” — Every “High-Growth” Investor Ever.
Google Thought was then demonstrated to the audience, but had to be turned off quickly since all that appeared on the screen was a rapidly changing series of extreme hard-core sexual fetish images. Google assured us that a “safe-thought” setting will be added before it’s release later next year.
*NOTE: This article is satire submitted for April Fools. If you couldn’t figure that out by the end, then I am so sorry that life is so hard for you.